HILARITY, THY NAME ART ENGLISH SUBTITLES

English subtitles – I have to live with them, as I definitely can’t live without them. I may love Hindi movies, but I certainly don’t love them enough to watch them sans subtitles. It’s just too much work. After just a few minutes of dialogue, my brain starts to hurt and I just am not having fun – and as the main reason I watch Bollywood movies is to have fun, this is unacceptable. So I definitely need my subtitles.

You know, I imagine doing subtitles is not the easiest job in the world, so maybe it’s unfair to gripe about them, but really – certain things about them can be annoying.

1. Minimalism: Sometimes a character says like a million things but they only put one line of text up. Having seen a lot of Hindi films, I’ve picked up a bit of the vocabulary, and oftentimes I can hear a character say something (sometimes a significant ‘something’) which the ‘sub-titler’ just can’t be bothered to translate. Having said that, subtitles can never convey all (or even most of) the subtleties and context of the original language, so maybe I shouldn’t criticise.

2. English subtitles for English speech: Now this is a pet peeve of mine. English is English is English. I hate this practice, and it’s done everywhere, especially on news channels like CNN. Note to 'subtitlers' everywhere: stop making people lazy by subtitling just because someone is speaking English with an unfamiliar accent. People need to start listening… carefully. Different accents are a beautiful thing. We need to learn to live with them – it’s the 21st century, for goodness’ sake (and now I'll get off my soapbox). Usually when they do English subtitles for English speech, the text is totally different from what the speaker is saying anyway.

3. SPG (Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar) errors: I just don’t like them, in any context.

4. Not subtitling the songs: They do subtitle them sometimes, but I wish they always would. The songs are a big part of my movie-viewing experience.

5. White subtitles on a white background (or black subtitles on a black background): I don’t know how many versions of the ‘Ek Rishtaa’ DVD there are, but anyone who’s watched the one I’ve got will be aware of the fact that right at the climax of the movie, the subtitles get lost in Amitabh’s white clothes. As in, it’s absolutely impossible to read them. I also don’t like teeny-weeny subtitles that you need a magnifying glass to read…

But for all their imperfections, and despite the fact that they will never be able to pass across the full meaning of what’s said in a movie (maybe I should just try to learn the language, huh?), I do love my subtitles. In fact, I’ve been spoilt by them – I simply won’t watch a Hindi movie that doesn’t have English subtitles – if it doesn’t, it’s going back to the shop. So they’re essential for me, and apart from that, they’re also often very entertaining, as in hilarious. Just about every Bollywood movie I’ve watched has had a couple of really funny subtitles to enhance my viewing pleasure… here are some from ‘Vijaypath’ (starring Ajay Devgan), which I watched recently and may review in my next post, maybe alongside ‘Indian’ (starring Sunny Deol).

Ha ha... you have to watch the film to 'get' this, but it's just hilarious. And it looks even more hilarious in black-and-white for some reason.

I love this because as a kid I was told not to 'dirty my clothes' so often. I just like the way the words put across that scold-y tone.

Why do these action heroes always make women do these gory things? The things women "have to" do for love in Bollywood movies...

Go on Ajay... show them your 'stupid face'. I like this because I can picture someone saying it.

I just love these lines... and I don't know why.

Really? Ha ha. 'Cos I'm so not.

He actually means 'try and get me out of here fast', well as we say, 'idea is need'. But the bit I love is 'I'm here near the lion' - it just sounds funny.

YOU ROCK MY WORLD, YOU KNOW YOU DO…

This post is a tribute to great Bollywood soundtracks. My cousin, who watches a bit of Bollywood now and then, always skips the songs. She says they are time-wasters, make the films unnecessarily long and mess with the storyline. Oh I so disagree. If it were not for the music, I honestly would not love Bollywood half as much as I do. I love, love, absolutely love, the music.

Sure, the music is not always perfectly done. Sometimes you find that the soundtrack just does not fit the movie – they are out of sync somehow. They are on totally different pages – hate when that happens. Sometimes the music is decent but the movie is so bad that it distracts you from enjoying the songs. Sometimes the music is just so forgettable, it sounds like a million things you’ve heard before. Sometimes, it’s not the music but the choreography and movement that fails – and it just doesn’t flow (hate that as well, but love it when it works). Sometimes it’s just plain ol’ flat-out bad music. Which can be a shame, ’cos even a good movie can be semi-sabotaged by bad songs.

BUT WHEN IT’S HOT, IT’S HOT… and I absolutely LOVE it. When the music rocks, and is right for the movie, it’s a beautiful thing. Here are some of my favourite Bollywood soundtracks. I’ve put 25 of my favourites (in no particular order) here. This is just 25 of my favourites off the top of my head, so I’m sure some of my faves haven’t made it on here just because they’ve skipped my mind at the moment. Still love them, though, whatever they are (I'm sure I will be hitting myself for skipping some of my favourites later).

This is a tribute to the great, super-talented and super-creative composers, lyricists, instrumentalists and playback singers of Bollywood (who I know will never read this). I love you all (really – I’m not just saying that), your music makes me happy (or sad, but in a good way). You rock my world (even though a lot of the time I don’t know what you’re talking about – I always love it when they remember to subtitle the songs – wish they would always do that!).

VEER ZAARA: A rich, beautiful and evocative soundtrack that completely and perfectly complements the movie. My personal favourites are ‘Do Pal’ and ‘Tere Liye’, but I would happily listen to the entire album over and over again without skipping a single track.

UMRAO JAAN: The poetry is beautiful. The music is beautiful. Asha Bhonsle (thanks, Carla) sings like an angel (albeit a very seductive one). Nothing else to ask for, really.

MERA SAAYA: One of those soundtracks when you really only remember one song from it, but somehow it’s enough. I love the theme song ‘Mera Saaya’, and honestly can’t remember the other ones, but… it’s still on my hot list. The song ‘Mera Saaya’ is haunting, mysterious, and somehow a bit quirky – perfect for a ‘60s mystery movie. Love it.

MUQADDAR KA SIKANDAR: Three words: ‘O Saathi Re’. Again, I love this soundtrack just for one song – ‘O Saathi Re’ is just beautiful to me and is amazingly sung (by Kishore Kumar, I think). It’s just terrific. I could listen to this for hours.



THE BURNING TRAIN: Three songs from this soundtrack make me love it – ‘Teri Hai Zameen, Tera Asmaan’, ‘Pal Do Pal Ka’ and my personal favourite ‘Pehli Nazar Mein Humne’. ‘Teri Hai Zameen…’ is kinda cheesy, but sweet and even inspiring, ‘Pal Do Pal Ka’ is a 15-minute orgy of music that just makes you feel happy; and I just have a special place in my heart for ‘Pahli Nazar…’. ‘Wada Haan Ji Wada’ and ‘Meri Nazar Hai Tujhpe’ are also very good songs.

BLUFFMASTER: A great soundtrack, just perfect for the film and guaranteed to make you wanna dance. ‘Bure Bure’, Sabse Bada Rupaiyya’ and ‘Say Na Say Na’ are my favourites. Very memorable.

LAAWARIS: Another fun soundtrack from one of Amitabh Bachchan’s earlier movies. ‘Jis Ka Koi Naheen’ is almost deliriously defiant and brilliant, and the other songs are delicious and indulgent.

SHOLAY: Another soundtrack that was perfect for the film. Great songs all around, I like the folksy, off-kilter ‘Mehbooba Mehbooba’ (Helen rocked it out in the movie); but ‘Yeh Dosti’ has to be my favourite.

KABHI KHUSHIE KABHIE GHAM: A number of good songs are on this soundtrack, but I never get tired of watching the video for ‘Suraj Hua Maddham’ and listening to the song. Love it! ‘Shava Shava’ is fun and ‘Bole Chudiyan’ is even more fun. And the title song is sweet.

DUSHMAN: You wouldn’t expect a thriller about a serial rapist-murderer to have such a great soundtrack. It’s surprising, and therefore brilliant. I particularly love ‘Awaz Do Humko’, but ‘Pyar Ko Ho Jane De’ is good too. The one where they go ‘kabhi nahin, kabhi nahin’ is nice too.

MAIN HOON NA: Ah, ‘Main Hoon Na’. Great music. I love the title song, but I think my favourites are ‘Chale Jaise Hawaein’ and ‘Tumse Milke Dil Ka’ (particularly the latter). ‘Gori Gori’ is fun too.

HUM SAATH SAATH HAIN: The major reason I love the Bharatya (I'm not sure I spelt that right) family musicals, like this movie and HAHK, is the music. It’s just awesome. This is a great soundtrack, from the title song to ‘Maiyya Yashoda’, to ‘Mhare Hiwda’, to ‘Yeh To Sach Hai Ki Bhagwan Hai’, to ‘Sunoji Dulhan Ek Baat Sunoji’. Even the cheesy-oh-so-cheesy ‘ABCDEFGHI’ song gets my thumbs up.

DEVDAS: ‘Devdas’ as a movie was (for me) visual overload, so the songs had to live up to that. I think they succeeded. My favourites are ‘Silsila Yeh Chaahat Ka’, ‘Hamesha Tumko Chaha’ and ‘Dola Re Dola’.

DILWALE DULHANIA LE JAYENGE: I’m sentimental about this film so it just had to be on this list. But the songs really are great - absolutely delectable music. I particularly love ‘Tujhe Dekha To Yeh Jaana Sanam’ (I'm sure I didn't spell that right), ‘Mehndi’ and ‘Ho Gaya Hai Tujhko To Pyar Sajna’.

HUM AAPKE HAIN KOUN: Another Bharatya film with a fantastic soundtrack. Love the title song, so sweet. Love ‘Waah Waah Ramji’, ‘Joote Dedo’, and Dhiktana Dhiktana’. Even ‘Chocolate Lime Juice’ which is a bit silly, sounds good.

BUNTY AUR BABLI: A fun soundtrack with a few cringe-y moments. Overall, it’s very very good. I love ‘Dhadak Dhadak’ most of all, it always makes me feel good, but I also like ‘Kajra Re’ (Ash rocked it out), ‘Nach Baliye’, ‘Chup Chup Ke’ and even (aww shucks), the title song.

KUCH KUCH HOTA HAI: Whenever I hear that unmistakable ‘Tum Pas Aiye’, my body involuntarily starts to move. When I was watching ‘Mujhse Dosti Karoge’ and this song came up in the medley, I was singing like a madwoman. This is a great soundtrack, infectious, instantly recognizable, and perfect for the film. Other highlights for me are: ‘Koi Mil Gaya’, ‘Ladki Badi Anjani Hai’, ‘Raghupati Ragav Raja Ram’ and ‘Tujhe Yaad Na Meri’.

YES BOSS: This is a chilled out, goofy movie – and the soundtrack is equally chilled-out and goofy. Some of the songs are duds, I have to say, but I think ‘Main Koi Aisa Geeta Gaoon’, and a few of the other numbers, make up for them.

DIL TO PAGAL HAI: This is a really nice film (with Madhuri Dixit totally killing it when everyone thought her career was over – go Madhuri!! – and SRK and Karisma doing a great job too), but I think I loved the songs even more than the movie. My favourite is ‘Koi Ladki Hai’ (so catchy, and I love the kids’ voices on it). Other good picks are ‘Dholna’, ‘Are Re Are’, ‘Le Gayi’, ‘Pyar Kar’, ‘Bholi Si Surat’, and of course, the excellent title song. This is a really lovely soundtrack.

SATYAM SHIVAM SUNDARAM: Again, the title song would be enough for this movie to make my list. Perfect for the film - haunting, mysterious, melodious, beautifully sung. The other songs are great too - very... interesting and 'different' - for a 'different' film.


MAIN TULSI TERE AANGAN KI: Who woulda thought you could make such a great title song out of such a long title? It works, it absolutely works. To hear this song is to love it, and it’s mostly in the way it was sung (can’t remember if it was Lata or Asha who did the honours). Whichever of the sisters did it, it was beautifully done.

ARADHANA: This is a romantic movie to the core, and they gave it an appropriately romantic soundtrack. The songs are great – from ‘Main Sapnoon Rani Kab Aaegi’ (Kishore Kumar always rocks), to ‘Gun Guna Rahe Hain Bhavre’ (my personal fave), to the sexy ‘Roop Tera Mastana’, to ‘Baghon Mein Bahaar Hai’ (‘Ha Hai!’)

JUNGLEE: ‘Yahoo!’ I absolutely love this soundtrack. The title track is totally right for the film, and I also love ‘Kashmir Ki Kali’ and the oh-so-sweet song that has ‘Tumse Mohabbat Hoge Hum Mujhe’ in it (can’t remember the title but it’s my favourite song from the film). The soundtrack complements the film beautifully.

THE RISING – THE BALLAD OF MANGAL PANDEY: I love the way this soundtrack was done. It’s very creative and moving, it tells a story, it conveys the feeling and tone of the film, and I just think it rocks.

For number 25, it’s a tie between DIL and YEH VAADA RAHA: which I guess is kinda appropriate because they are both romantic films (which, I must admit, I love). I guess the right thing to do would be to make the list a list of 26; but I don’t really like that number so I’ll keep it this way. For me, ‘Dil’ had a great soundtrack – young, catchy, passionate and just right for the movie. Same goes for ‘Yeh Vaada Raha’. Nuff said.