ON RECOGNISING THE HOTNESS...

I'm back even sooner than I thought I'd be, to talk about something that's been on my mind... that thing being the moment when I recognise the 'hotness'... the moment when I look at an actor and realise that he's not just good-looking, he's very, very hot! I'm laughing at myself right now... such frivolous subject matter, I know, but it feels like it's been a while since I've been utterly frivolous around here (and even if it hasn't, humour me, please).

'Hotness', I think, is such a subjective, flimsy thing - so many people in Bollywood are good-looking, sometimes exceptionally so... but I don't always find them hot - and usually right not off the bat. One notable exception to this rule was Dharmendra (of course) who totally had me at hello. But it's more usually the case with me that I see a particular actor in a few films before I see him looking a particular way (whether it has to do with wardrobe, styling, physique, or even just his demeanour - the way he stands, speaks or walks) that just strikes me as hot. Another notable exception to this rule: Ajay Devgan, whose hotness I've raved about before, in near-embarrassing detail (now if only he'd lay off the hair dye...).

But back to my point about it usually taking a minute for me to 'recognise the hotness'... let me provide a few cases to illustrate (who am I kidding, this is just an elaborate excuse to look for pictures of hot men and put them on my blog so I can smile at them later)... I've always thought John Abraham was an extremely attractive young man (those gorgeous brown eyes, that beautiful smile!), but I didn't feel even a flicker of hotness where he was concerned until 'Salaam-e-Ishq' (yup, I didn't even feel it in 'Dhoom' - felt Abhishek totally pipped him to the post in that one) - and that flicker only burst into flame with 'Dostana'.

There are two reasons why I finally find John hot (and no, the massive muscle growth isn't one of them - it's not really my thing).

One is his haircut - the man has always had great looking hair (you almost want to touch it), but he hasn't always done great-looking things with it. I was elated when he cut it short for 'Goal'... am SO loving him with short hair, I hated that floppy cut he had in his awful 'Aetbaar' days. The second thing is the confidence and comfort he seems to slowly be developing onscreen - John seems more relaxed these days (although I feel he still has a ways to go), and that's very appealing. I used to feel such a disconnect between the laidback, ultra-cool guy I saw in interviews and this stiff, contained, over-eager, overly-serious person he seemed to be on screen - now he seems to be streamlining the 'two Johns' into one, and I am loving it...

Now, I love John with short hair, but it's the other way round with Arjun Rampal. Once upon a time, I found him very pretty but also rather bland and/or boring to look at (Exhibit A: 'Dil Ka Rishta'. Exhibit B: 'Yakeen'), but then he grew out those locks for his role in 'Don' (2006) and I had to do an about-face and look again... and again, when he played the sexy bad guy in 'Om Shanti Om' (they kinda ruined his character in the second half, but he was still pretty hot); and now, even though I haven't yet seen 'Rock On' (can't wait though), the pictures of him with all that hair... well, let's just say, kabhi khushi, kabhi khushi, khushi, khushi....


Speaking of kabhi khushi, there's Shahrukh Khan... where to start? My first encounter with SRK was with his annoying Raj in 'Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge' - and although I ended up enjoying the film, I wasn't feeling the hotness at the time at all... since then though, I've felt it, many, many, many times... at the moment, my favourite is his lean, rangy, angst-ridden, stubbliciousness in 'Chak De! India'... swoon.

Bad 90s fashion aside, I even find him hot in a lot of his older flicks. Really, I could go on and on, but yeah, suffice it to say that I now think he's seriously hot.

Well, I think I've given enough examples of recognising the hotness for one day (and have looked at enough gorgeous pictures in the process)... other names spring to mind - Vinod Khanna (he very nearly stole my heart, but Dharam beat him to it), Amitabh Bachchan (most especially as the bad boy in 'Deewaar'), Dilip Kumar (yes, Dilip Kumar), and even Shahid Kapoor (I blame 'Jab We Met'), and oh my goodness, I haven't even mentioned Abhishek or Hrithik.... but I think I feel a fever coming on - with all this talk of hotness, I'm burning up - and so I will depart now and (hopefully!) come back with something suitably grown-up next time....

A TALE OF TWO THRILLERS

So last weekend I saw two Bollywood thrillers. One was, I guess, technically not a thriller - more like a superhero action thing - but with some definite thriller elements. The other was an international crime thriller. Interestingly, my fellow Nigerian-fan-of-all-things-Indian, Uzo, was involved in my viewing experience on both occasions. She lent me her ‘Krrish’ DVD, which I watched (I know, eons after everyone else) on my trusty laptop on Saturday (oh my laptop, how I love you!); and I saw ‘Don’ with her at the cinema on Sunday. I have been a bit short of words about ‘Don’ (it was just so good), but I think comparing it with ‘Krrish’ should be interesting anyway.

Acting:

I am still trying to figure out whether or not Rakesh Roshan told his cast to act really badly in ‘Krrish’. Cos when I was watching it, all I could think was ‘bad acting’! ‘bad acting’! ‘bad acting’! Priyanka Chopra’s acting was terrible, and even Rekha’s acting was like something out of a really really really bad melodrama. Only Naseeruddin Shah, in my opinion, and the guy who played ‘Kristian’, did a halfway-decent job.

As for my demi-semi-crush Hrithik, he didn’t do too badly, especially in the second half of the movie. In the first half, he got on my nerves a bit – don’t know why… maybe it was the constant smiling and the childish behaviour (the ‘you are so selfish Dadi, you don’t love me’ tantrum was so unappealing on a grown, muscular man – I understood it, because of the way he was brought up and all that, but I still didn’t like it). By the second half, I thought his performance was much more interesting, ‘meaty’ and enjoyable. Actually, to be fair, everyone got better by the second half of the movie.

As for ‘Don’, I loved Shahrukh’s performance, I thought it was delicious and played with such relish and can’t understand why anyone would pan it (haterzzz). Anyways, loved it – simply loved it. Priyanka Chopra was actually ok in this movie, I thought she did a ok job. There were moments in which she was actually good, and some in which she was not-so-good, but generally, she was credible. Arjun Rampal was good as well, and the rest of the cast all did their bit well. Even Kareena Kapoor was alright (if a bit boring). I wasn’t exactly overwhelmed in this department (except by SRK, who tends to overwhelm me even without trying - but that's not just down to his acting), but my ‘bad acting’ radar was largely undisturbed.


Music (and picturization of songs):

The music in ‘Krrish’ was alright, nothing to complain about, but nothing particularly memorable either. The circus number, I thought, was nicely choreographed and the song is pretty catchy. The 'romantic' numbers (especially the one with a butterfly flitting around Priyanka’s head and Hrithik putting a smudge of butterfly-powder on her cheek, like yuck) were less likeable (Ed. Okay, that is so very not true. I've been listening to the songs again, and I absolutely adore 'Koi Tumse..' - it's been on heavy rotation on my player. 'Chori Chori Chupke Chupke' is good too. Both definitely better than 'Dil Na Diya'. Just goes to show you can miss good stuff the first time around. Good work by Rajesh Roshan) – but still not bad (better than 'not bad').

I don’t know why the soundtrack for Don has been so maligned. I thought it was a decent score. Very Bond-inspired, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and nice tributes to the songs from the old ‘Don’. It could have been better, true, and it’s not half as good as the one from the original movie (which was brilliant), and it’s not going on my hotlist anytime soon, but I didn’t think it was bad at all. I really enjoyed the way the songs were choreographed – I thought it was very fresh and different from the first ‘Don’. Even ‘Khaike Paan Banaraswala’ was nicely done to my mind, contrary to everything I’ve read. Sure, Amitabh did an amazing job on that number in the original (so amazing it totally freaks me out when I watch it), but taken on its own merit, I think SRK did a good job. ‘Yeh Mera Dil’ was... hmm. Some of Kareena’s choreography was just dodgy, especially the beginning part. It was just… weird and… not good. I especially enjoyed ‘Main Hoon Don’. I absolutely loved it - both the song and the picturization - Shaan is awesome on this song. And when SRK poured champagne on himself at the end of that song… well, let’s just say I had impure thoughts.


Eye Candy:

Yes, I know – not the most technically (or politically) correct category to have in an analysis of a movie, but very important nonetheless. As a great (but shallow) philosopher once said, “eye candy is a beautiful thing to behold”.

In ‘Krrish’, Hrithik was gorgeous as ever, but I wasn’t sure about the hair. Sometimes I liked it, sometimes it just looked really naff and stringy. I didn’t like his costumes for the most part. But he still looked hot - as always. Sadly, he was the only male eye candy in that movie. Tragic.

I guess in the interests of gender equity, I should mention the other category of eye candy. Priyanka, the female candy, looked as pretty as she always does, but the make-up was a bit overdone (as Filmiholic has pointed out). Still, the girl is gorgeous.

‘Don’ – oh Don, Don, Don, Don… anyone who knows me knows I think SRK is the very hotness, and this movie was no exception. He was just so cute, and he had this strut, and this bad attitude, and I loved his hair, and he was sexy in a very, very bad way. And I could go on, but I won’t – suffice to say I have added another fictional character to my ‘bad boys I love because they’re just sooo hot!’ list – Don (1978) was already there, but I think Don (2006) has to rank higher (sorry Amit-Ji, you know I love you dearly).

Happily, there was more eye candy to come. Arjun Rampal with a longer haircut and some sexy stubble – oh yes please!!! Arjun, more movies with you looking so hot and I will soon forget your more-than-occasional woodenness as an actor and add you to my Bollywood crush list. Seriously, Arjun was bahut hot in ‘Don’. And the young police officer, Inspector whatever, was also pretty cute in that serious ‘Zanjeer-ish’ (I only say ‘Zanjeer-ish’ because no one – but no one – can do serious-but-hot-young-policeman like Amitabh Bachchan did it in that movie. He was so so off-the-chain hot).

Ok, Priyanka was once more the female eye candy in this film. And she was beautiful as always. As for Isha Koppikar (also beautiful, I hasten to add), all I can say is that she is a very brave woman for wearing a really really ugly dress and dancing (not very well, at that) next to Ms. Chopra. Ummm… not so smart.

I like how I have spent so much space on eye candy. It would be embarrassing and pathetic – if I didn’t enjoy it so much.


Product Placement:

Ahh… again, not your typical category, but ‘Krrish’ deserves an award for the worst, most pathetic product placement ever. I don’t care how much money the Bournvita people or the Tide people gave the film-makers, they just should not have done this. It was just so in-your-face. It was almost laughable watching Rekha sprinkle oodles of Tide into a pot while talking to Hrithik. Or Hrithik telling that kid to come and have some Bournvita at his house so he could also become super-strong. NOOOOO… and the only 2 products in their house on otherwise empty (and new) shelves and tables were Bournvita and Tide, cleverly displayed to their best advantage. I know every movie has built-in advertising, but this was waaay too much. Were we really supposed to believe that Priyanka got her killa figure from scoffing packet after packet of Lay’s crisps? The Honda advertising, though far more subtle, was also annoying. By that point, I think I was already really irritated by the Bournvita and Tide. I never liked Bournvita (I’m a Milo girl on the rare occasions when I do hot chocolate) but I like it even less now.

‘Don’ had its share of product placement spots too – with the Motorola phones and other gadgets etc, but it was discreetly done, as far as I can remember. Reminded me of the product placement in your average Bond movie (there was definitely some Bond-spiration going on in 'Don') – lots and lots and lots of advertising, but quietly, and not at the expense of the movie.


Film-making (Directing, Script, Effects, Cinematography, Design):

I usually like Rakesh Roshan’s directing – I think he’s usually very creative, visually-minded and precise. That’s why I liked ‘Koyla’ despite all the violence – it had an edge and a clear vision. Even ‘Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai’, with its slightly silly story, had some style to it. But I really can’t relate to his vision for ‘Krrish’. I just don’t get it. It’s an ok thriller with very good special effects, but apart from some bad acting, what else was there to it? It felt really hollow. The funny bits were not funny, the sad bits were not as sad as they could’ve been, and I was generally underwhelmed. It was certainly not bad, but it could've been so much better, in my opinion.

Now, Farhan Akhtar has got a new fan of his work in me – I love the way he did ‘Don’. I think the balance between doing a good tribute to the original movie and making a new (and intelligent and fresh) movie for a new audience was something Akhtar achieved extremely well. I really don’t think it could’ve been done better. I loved all the nods to the old movie, but I loved the fact that there were enough well-placed twists to throw me off. I also love the pace of this movie – it was so well-paced that it didn’t feel as long as it actually was. The funny bits were very funny (loved the scene with Vijay and the surgeon who was about to 'scar' him), and even the slightly silly bits were amusing, and it was just fun. Good scripting.

The costumes for ‘Krrish’ were ok (if a bit boring), as were the sets, but the only thing that really jumped out at me was the coat (post-reversal I mean - the black side, not the stodgy grey) Hrithik wore as Krrish. Very nice. I liked the mask too, although how they could have thought Kristian was Krrish is beyond me. But that’s always a problem with superhero movies – how anyone fails to see that Clark Kent is Superman is another example.

‘Don’ – loved the costuming except there was way too much glittering disco-ball lame – a gold dress for Kareena, a silver one for Priyanka. Overkill. I liked the wide belts on Priyanka, but one or two would have been enough. I also liked the tie-and-shirt combos on SRK, but again, one or two would have done the trick. But other than that, great costuming. The sets were excellent – loved Don’s sheets. Nice detail.

The cinematography and special effects for both movies were really good. I liked the use of aerial shots and the panoramic-y thing (I know nothing about the technicalities, so excuse my crappy clueless lingo) in ‘Don’. There were fewer close-ups than I’m accustomed to seeing in Bollywood films, it was more all-encompassing and thus more fun. Was awesome to watch on the big screen. As for the FX, I liked ‘Don’ a bit more in this respect too, because it was edgier – the scene where they fall out of the plane and fight over the parachute, though ridiculous, was very well executed, I thought; whereas I thought the running-across-the-forest thing in ‘Krrish’ was very cool - until they did it for like the millionth time. A bit too much, it just got annoying.



General ‘Wow!’ Factor:

No prizes for guessing: ‘Don’ wins!! To be fair, this might be because I saw it in an actual cinema on a big screen with great movie-viewing company beside me. Must have enhanced the experience. I love my dear laptop, but it’s… smaller. That said, though, I really got sucked into ‘Don’ and the movie just grabbed me and held my attention. It was just very exciting. As for ‘Krrish’, I watched it in like six instalments, had to keep breaking off to eat, or sleep, or because ‘NEPA took light’ or whatever. And I never minded stopping at all. It just didn’t wow me. The special effects were nice – but, no, it did not thrill me.


Overall Winner: (in an awed whisper) Don… Don… Don… Don…

PS:

I also saw my fave hottie SRK in ‘Swades’ a few days ago. I really enjoyed his performance – it was so nuanced and engaging. But I’m beginning to think Ashutosh Gowariker needs to chill out on making such worthy-and-blindingly-obviously-so movies. He should do something less ‘worthy’ next time, just to show that he can. I mean, I may agree with the overall message of the movie (although I thought it was a bit unbalanced), but I don’t really appreciate being bashed over the head with it. Simplicity is one thing (one thing which I love, see my Hrishikesh Mukherjee post), but I don't like being hit over the head with a mallet in the name of passing across a message.

AND HERE I AM, EATING MY WORDS…

Okay, alright, I was wrong. I take back ‘whatever’ I said plus jara. PRIYANKA CHOPRA CAN ACT! (Am I the only one who notices the ‘whatevers’ in English subtitles of Hindi films?) But yes, I admit it, Priyanka really can act. I take back all I said about the ‘vacant-ness’ in her acting in a previous post (scroll down to see my 'Bluffmaster' post). Sadly, being a very inept blogger, I don’t know how you do that cool thing when you link things without having the ugly ol’ link show.

Anyway, my volte-face is as a result of just seeing ‘Yakeen’, which stars Priyanka Chopra and Arjun Rampal. From the opening scene, Priyanka captured my attention. Her character, Simar, was nicely developed and fleshed out. Priyanka made her interesting. I was impressed, and now I happily admit that although she isn’t that good in some films, girlfriend can actually act.

‘Yakeen’ is about a man (named ‘Nikhil’, played by Rampal) who loses his memory after a terrible accident, and has to rebuild his life with the support of his wife (‘Simar’, played by P. Chopra). In the process, he falls in love (with wifey, that is), but later discovers that things are not quite what they seem. As a Bollywood thriller, ‘Yakeen’ is not bad, but it’s certainly not a masterpiece either.

I liked the waaay-over-the-top bit in this film where Nikhil shouts ‘Simar, I love you!’ in the mountains. I’m not sure if it’s a conscious tribute (probably is, though), but there’s a scene in ‘Aradhana’ (starring Rajesh Khanna and Sharmila Tagore) where Arun (played by Khanna) shouts in the mountains, ‘Vandana, I love you!’, and Vandana (played by Tagore) very shyly and sweetly does her own ‘Arun, I love you!’ shout. I know, it’s sickening (my sister can’t even bear to watch that scene in ‘Aradhana’), but hey, it’s Bollywood.

Rampal is quite good in some parts of this movie, and less competent (even a little boring to watch) in others. Overall, I would say he’s good. I like the fact that his pre-accident Nikhil and post-accident Nikhil are so distinct from each other, even in mannerisms. I’m glad to say the actress who plays Nikhil’s secretary in ‘Yakeen’ does a very competent job. See my comment on actors playing secretaries in my 'Okada ka Rishta' post (scroll down to read). The music in ‘Yakeen’ is pretty good, but a lot of it sounds like I’ve heard it before. But it’s good.

There’s a fair bit of fake-pretend (again, credit to Beth for the term) piano-playing by Priyanka in this film. Can they just stop doing this? Although Priyanka’s fake-pretend instrument-playing is bad, I’ve seen worse in Bollywood. The worst I’ve seen so far was SRK in ‘Mohabbatein’. His fake-pretend violin playing was simply awful, and it seemed like he did it for at least 92% of the movie. The filmmakers must’ve thought he was doing it well. Er, noo. I was so excited to see Dilip Kumar in ‘Ram aur Shyam’ (very good – but old - movie) playing an instrument correctly. That was cool.

The makers of this film obviously have some sort of shower fixation – there were 2 shower scenes. And not to forget, the obligatory rain scene… (see my post on rain scenes in my 'Teri Meheribaniyan' review).

Come on now, nobody but nobody looks this good standing in the rain...

Props to Priyanka, her performance in this film is really quite good, and I shall now proceed to be silent on the subject of her acting skills. For now.

OKADA KA RISHTA, DIL KA RISHTA, AISHWARYA RAI AND THE FRENZY OF ECSTASY

I’ll start this post off with my okada fantasy. For any non-Nigerians reading this, an ‘okada’ is a commercial motorcycle, sort of like a cab on 2 wheels. So, anyway, I was on an okada last night and closed my eyes… and transported myself to a fictional Bollywood world. I was on a beautiful black and silver motorbike behind a handsome Bollywood star (first it was Abhishek, then it was Hrithik, then it was Dharmendra (but much much younger)). The wind was blowing through my hair (well, it actually was in real life), and there was lovely music playing in the background. We were somewhere in Bangalore, I think. It was lovely. The one thing I could not do, which I would definitely have done if my fantasy were real, was hold on tight to my Bollywood hero. NEVER! The VERY last thing you want to do on an okada is touch the okada-man. No disrespect to okada men everywhere (it’s an occupational hazard), but they aren’t very clean, to say the least (and some of them are pervs, but this certainly isn’t exclusive to okada-men). Anyway, I eventually opened my eyes and returned to the real world. My okada man went through a mucky puddle and splashed water on both of us (eww), I gave him a scolding and got off five minutes later at my house. Well, it sure was a nice fantasy while it lasted.

Okay, on to ‘Dil Ka Rishta’ (DKR), starring the khoobsurat Aishwarya Rai. I wasn’t really expecting much from this movie, basically because I hadn’t heard anything about it before I got it, and also because it doesn’t star any of my favourite actors (Ash is beautiful and dances beautifully, but she’s not a great acting talent, in my opinion). I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. It was good enough to keep my attention. I guess it’s good to have low expectations – if I’d been expecting to really enjoy this one, I just might have been disappointed.

Check out those pots... colour-coded to match Aishwarya's outfit.

DKR starts out with Aishwarya’s character (Tia) stomping all over a man’s heart (his name is Jai, and he’s played by Arjun Rampal) when he summons up the courage to tell her he loves her. Instead of at least giving him a polite ‘no’, she looks horrified, runs away and jumps on her boyfriend Raj’s bike (Raj appears just in time). At first, I thought this was harsh, but it turns out that Jai is a big fat LOSER, and the chump flat out deserved it.

Interestingly, by the end of the film, Tia is all over Jai (yes, the same Jai), like a brazen hussy. She wants him to love and marry her so badly, it’s almost embarrassing. She throws herself at him, but he’s not biting. Why? That’s what this film is all about – the bit in the middle.

"Hey, Jai, I love you and I know you love me, so put that anklet on my ankle and marry me NOW, dammit!!"

"I wish... I wish... I wish Jai would just fall in love with me and marry me already!"

"Come on, Jai... you know you want to."

And the bit in the middle is the good bit in DKR. The lead actors are all pretty competent. Arjun Rampal, who I haven’t liked in anything else I’ve seen him in, is quite nice here, and so is the guy who plays Raj – can’t remember his name. I recognised the actor who plays Jai’s dad in the movie from ‘Hera Pheri’. He was good in this film if a bit of a meddler (a huge humongous gi-normous meddler, actually). The legendary Rakhee is also in this movie, and is as good as ever, even though I haven’t quite forgiven her for breaking Amitabh Bachchan’s heart (well, technically, the heart of his fictional character, Sikandar) over 30 years ago in the film ‘Muqaddar Ka Sikandar’ (which, by the way, is a good film). The woman who plays Jai’s secretary is absolutely dreadful. What is it with secretaries in films – does the role go to a family member of the film-makers for kicks or what? They are consistently bad. The music in DKR is quite good, especially the title track. And I like the fact that the storyline tackles the issue of drink driving, which is an important issue that often gets overlooked. If the film makes one person stop his/her drunken friend from getting behind the wheel of a car, then it will have done a great service.

Random thought: there’s also a café called ‘Café Bistro’ in the film, which struck me as quite funny. Another random thought: Don’t you just love how Bollywood films create fake-pretend illnesses (I borrowed the term ‘fake-pretend’ from Beth, she who loves Bollywood)? I mean, they just create all kinds of sicknesses, unknown to medical science, just to propel their storyline. (He has a rare type of disease, a timpanic dysfunction where he can only hear words spoken from the lips of the one he loves – hey, I’ve just come up with one!). And don't even get me started on fake-pretend cures to fake-pretend illnesses. I must admit I like that sort of resourcefulness. After all, new diseases are discovered everyday, hai na? Up fake-pretend illnesses!! As we say in Nigeria, ‘carry go!’

But back to DKR: although the character of Jai is a LOSER, he does kinda sorta shape up by the end, and I kinda sorta liked him. But the ending is a bit annoying. They find a way to patch things up very nicely (and in true Bollywood style unrealistically) and emerge with a happy family and smiles all round, but… what about Raj? I really, really liked him. Is he now going to be forgotten while Tia and Jai now play happy families? Is his son going to be raised as another man’s child? Is it fair for Tia to just move on with her Jai while forgetting all about her husband (although it’s not her fault)? And why am I now Raj’s champion? (Hmmm… just realised the 3 main characters all had 3-letter names: Raj, Tia, Jai). Anyway, like I said, the end is annoying, but the film ain’t half-bad.

Aishwarya is alright in this film, as she is in most of her movies. She looks great, dances great, and acts – not great, but good. And I noticed something interesting about her in DKR… she had a ‘frenzy of ecstasy’ (or two, or three). In fact, I realised that in almost every Ash film, they manage to covertly sneak in one or two frenzies of ecstasy. What is a frenzy of ecstasy, you ask? I’ll show you a couple from DKR:

Okay, so both photos are from the same frenzy of ecstasy.. but it was a long one.

And here are a couple of frenzies of ecstasy from ‘Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam’:

And there’s even a semi-frenzy-of-ecstasy in ‘Devdas’. You can see it rising in the eyes, but doesn’t quite become full-blown. A mini-frenzy-of-ecstasy, if you like:

BollyBitch, who has a really great blog (the link is on my sidebar) has a photo of Aishwarya having a very unattractive frenzy of ecstasy at some press event. Go look at it, I know you want to.

So that’s a frenzy of ecstasy.

For me, the star of this film (DKR), though, is this guy:

He is just so adorable, and the camera absolutely loves him! Cute little guy!

But if I were his mum and dad, I sure as hell wouldn’t be letting anyone to do this to him, especially so close to a precipice like that!! Sheesh!!!